….and so it comes for one more year…no thanks is enough to thank my parents and also feel how blessed I am to have been born in this world. I love them and my grandmom to the core. However, 2020, this day, I have been crying since 12.00 yesterday night. I am really good for nothing soul, an useless soul and a person who has no capacity to appreciate and understand her so called ‘boyfriend”s happiness in finding warmth from girls in matrimonial sites. Well, I do the same, but he has not disclosed about me to anyone because he doesnt consider me at all. Anyways, he has finally said to me that neither I am his friend nor his girlfriend and this is momentary. I am not feeling good and till now I have done nothing. Yesterday night, I had made bengali mutton curry and rice. Had cut a small cake at 12.10 and blew candle and cried. Cried a lot. No, he neither kissed me, nor hugged me properly nor wished me happy birthday at 12. No, he didnt do anything. I hugged myself and wished myself and thanked God..I spoke to God, dont know if they hear me at all. Following that I got some wonderful gifts from him. Those are really lovely..I liked those and ofcourse a beautiful handmade card, something I cherish the most.
I got call from another special person of my life. Yes, he called at exactly 12 and I expected that. I loved that and thats something that saved me for the night. I spoke to him in the terrace under the open sky and I loved that. It didnt feel that we dont stay together anymore physically, I do stay with him mentally. Yes, thats true. I realised one thing. I have to let go of this relation, the so called relationship. No, there is nothing. I cried on my birthday and thats something I can never forget. I wasnot cared for and ofcourse thats what I deserve may be for my deeds. I have wonderful parents, but I dont know why I have become like this. Too much attachment with one person, too much of dependency and too much of emotions. I mean what the duck…Since morning, I have felt terrible and I went up to the terrace to do some meditation. The terrace is on the 6th floor and sitting there seems to be so calming.
He manages things the way that no body will want. He puts a deaf year to everything. He makes people cry, which I do too. He gives a damn to my feelings and yet I am there longing for him. He ignores and remains composed and strong devoid of feelings. When I am hurt, he does something which shakes me to the core. Yes, I have cried yet again since morning with no breakfast. And, this is my birthday. I do celebrate birthdays 4 days a year and will tell you why. I will tell you why on Earth am I so weird. Well, I am not sure why I am so weird, but yes he told me that I have made a joke of my birthday because I celebrate it 4 times a year. I got some nice compliments from him that I will fail in relationship, I will never succeed, I have crushed him to ground, etc. etc. So, what should be my next move? Move away right? Yes, I still strength for that. I need to move out and away forever. I already had a lovely relationship in the past which I have spoiled on my own. Now, this one is something which I should let go of. And, yeah he will give a damn to that. The below horoscope has been a little savour for me, bringing in some sunshine, some ray of hope in this rather saddening day I have been spending till now. I do hope not to spoil it any further and lets see how it goes. Will keep you updated. Hope not to bore you with my utterly hopeless reality. However, I dont know how to groom myself into a stage where I will not care, not bother about anything on Earth except for my very near ones. How will I do that? Its something that one should or dont do? Please tell me..I am waiting to hear from you. If I should, then how? Please tell me. I will update you again about the proceedings of the day